World Suicide Prevention Day is on 10 September 2024. To mark this day, one of the Trust's Board Members has written a very powerful and candid piece.
Trigger warning, contains references to suicide.
Monday 29th July 2013. The day my life changed forever. I grew up in a nice area, had a lovely family and although I was bullied at school, by the time I reached my mid-20s, I had wonderful friends and a job I enjoyed. To all who met me, I was a happy, content guy. At least that’s how it appeared on the outside. On the inside, I was screaming to end it.
I’d grown close to my Nan but she was ill and in fact, would pass away 3 days later. I didn’t feel I had anybody to talk to as I was embarrassed and felt a failure for feeling like this. I would look at others and wonder how they could be happy. I never once thought that perhaps they were struggling and putting on a brave face like I was.
As has been said a lot over the years, appearances are one thing. Gary Speed, Robert Enke, Robin Williams, Chester Bennington, Anthony Bourdain, and many others all appeared to have the world at their feet to the masses. Now we mourn the loss of so many.
On Monday 29th July, I decided the world was better without me and I no longer wanted the pain. Perhaps you’re reading this and wondered what caused it. To tell you the truth, I don’t know. Maybe it was one thing, maybe it was a gradual decline. I don’t remember. I try not to think about it as I don’t know how I would feel if I were to ever figure it out.
I obviously won’t detail my attempt but suffice to say, I am now grateful that it didn’t work. The next morning, I called my friend and I sought help. From that point, I wanted to be different. Although my Nan passing just days later would push me far, I never again got to that point. In fact, twice since then, I have been at an extremely low point but I asked for help and was able to navigate it.
I know how low I felt, I know how easy it was to get there and it’s why I try my best to help others who may be there or getting there. To raise awareness of how easy it is to get there and how difficult it is to spot the signs in others.
I am being open about this in the hope that if you are reading this and feel low, you know that 1) somebody feels/felt the same and 2) it gets better!
I am eternally grateful to the support network I have. This includes my friends, my family, my colleagues, and many others. However, even if you don’t feel you have that network, there is always someone who wants to listen and wants to help. There are more resources around now than when I first struggled. For me, football helped as well. Something I enjoyed (or didn’t depending on the result) but it helped having a focus!
This is my story, yours may be different. But somebody doesn’t want your story to end yet!
If this has affected you in any way, please contact one of the following:
Samaritans: 116 123 (https//www.samaritans.org)
Mind: 0300 102 1234 (https://www.mind.org.uk)
Papyrus: 0800 068 4141 (https://www.papyrus-uk.org)
It's incredibly brave of you to share this. As a fellow supporter who has also had a long battle with my mental health, including long periods of suicidal ideations, I know how it feels to be at that lowest ebb. I'm very grateful that we're both still here to fight the good fight and help others who may be in a similar predicament. OTBC!